Thursday, November 8, 2007


I am awake and blogging again.

Today I thought a lot about Taco Cabana. I could eat there every day, and my mom says that's probably not okay. But why is TC so great? Well children, I'm glad you asked. Taco Cabana fulfills all the specifications of a fantastic taco restaurant, with its own added flair. It fulfills the laws of taco greatness.

  • The food shalt rock your face. This essentially means that you have a mouthgasm when you eat there. When you eat the taco, it has to taste fresh- not just the completed taco, but all ingredients in the taco. Nothing processed goes in your food. No canned meat. No canned cheese.
  • The menu should give you options but not leave you feeling overwhlemed. A beginner should be able to order alongside a veteran and still have a satisfying experience. However, the restaurant should also accommodate expert taco eaters, which means:

  • The staff has to have their stuff together. Service needs to be friendly and prompt, regardless of what color you are or what language you speak.
  • It must either make its own tortillas or have them delivered fresh daily.
  • It needs a strong hand of salsa- many varieties, all made fresh, from fresh ingredients. None of this Pace from a can, dumped in a bucket. That's offensive. A taco establishment really striving for greatness will have sauces and salsas designed to specifically compliment it's amazing food.
  • It needs to play awesome music. Taco joints that play straight Tejano polka don't make the cut. There needs to be something you can actually dance to. At least every 5th polka, there should be a good Salsa number in there.
  • It must serve tacos. I shouldn't even have to say that. But I do.
  • It should serve beer. I really have to insist here. Taco + Cerveza = Pure Rapturous Joy.
  • It should serve patrons at all hours of the day. (This is one of the things that separates a very good taco joint from a GREAT taco joint. For some reason, tacos really do taste better at three in the morning. I think there's some scientists who found that to be true.) If it can't serve patrons at all hours, it must at least accommodate the prime hours of taco eatage:

0530-1000 Before work
1100-1300 Lunch
1345-1500 Post lunch energy boost
1600-2000 Dinner
2100-2245 Taco Pre-Game
0030-0430 Taco Prime Time

  • It should inspire. This is the bottom line. A good taco joint gains the loyalty of a fan base. It has devoted followers who dream about its food day and night. People that get t-shirts and tattoos bearing the logos, food, slogans and likenesses of line cooks of their preferred taco house. These fans will fight tooth and nail to defend it against all ill will. If told it is going out of business, they will eat there as much as fiscally possible to keep it open. Any rumors of food poisoning will be dismissed as "Pussies complaining because they couldn't handle the hot stuff." If the question is posed, "Where should we eat?", this taco zealot will firmly ensure his or her demands are met. A great taco stand turns casual taco eaters into believers. A great taco stand changes lives and gives new significance to life.
If you have anything to add, let me know. You might be right.

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