Sunday, June 29, 2008


I feel like I've been a sucker for people in need my whole life. I'm beginning to think it makes me weak. I once ended up spending a ridiculous amount of money trying to help somebody who was really just a drug addicted leech. And then I just said, "I never want to hear from you again!" and it was so. I don't feel bad for it. I really don't. I hope I never see that guy again in my entire life, because it reminds me of how stupid I was. He just took advantage of me. I thought I was helping someone, but they were just lying. Now I don't give money to people.

Instead, I have someone living on my couch.

Having someone living on your couch is stressful. Very stressful.

You don't have access to your living room. You can't walk around your house naked. Your wife is mad at you. It's basically a huge pain in the ass.

I haven't lived with a roomate for almost 3 years and that feels good. Now I have a man living in my living room by my own decision. He needs help. Does it have to be my help? Probably not. But I'm the one giving it. I could kick him out, but I don't really have a good reason. Other than him being messy and I want to sit on my sofa naked and watch television.

Possibly God is teaching me some lesson about selfishness or patience or suffering or something.

But now my wife wants him gone. That makes it difficult, because now she's mad at me that I'm not giving him the ultimatum. Laying down the law. And I'm trying to play the middle, because I love her and want to please her, but I've committed to myself that I'm going to see this through.

And all the while I'm trying to convince her of something I have trouble swallowing myself- that being selfless for just a little while longer, until he leaves town next week, will be hard, but the right thing to do. I don't want to do that! I want it over!

But then He tells me:
"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay." Heb 10:36-37

Help me persevere.


James said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
James said...

Stay strong, Danny. You have been, and are still, doing the right thing.

By the way, Blogger says that you've been on here since June 2007. So... happy blogging anniversary!

Anonymous said...

Today there is more and more help available for individuals suffering from anxiety. It's not a rare disorder and no one is going to look at you strangely just because you suffer from anxiety, so don't be afraid to seek help for your needs. The longer allow your anxiety to dictate your mood the more you'll suffer.