Today in History

February 1st:

1861: Texas succeeds from the United States and joins the Confederacy. I guess they didn't dig the Union when they joined it just 11 years before. The upside? Sales of "Don't Mess with Texas" t-shirts went up almost 200 percent during the first 2 years of the war.

1979- Two weeks after the Shah of Iran decided to go on an extended "vacation", the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed back to Iran by throngs of screaming teenage fans. After thanking them, he promptly had them jailed and executed for excessive displays of Western emotion.

2005- Canada passes the "Civil Marriage Act", making it the 4th nation worldwide to sanction same-sex marriage. Coincidentally, the United State's proposes moving closer to Mexico, afraid that they might "catch gay".

Birth:
1968: Pauly Shore, American Actor. In anticipation, Lawrence Olivier, sensing a disturbance in the Force, attempts to kill the child. He calls this failure his greatest regret.

Death:



2003: The entire crew of the STS-107 Shuttle Columbia perish when an equipment failure causes the entire shuttle to disintegrate during re-entry into the atmosphere. The space program fails to launch another shuttle for almost 2 years follwing the incident.

Lame

I have done the same thing for the past several days and feigned remorse over it.

As a result, I now feel genuine remorse.

I hope it doesn't take that long next time.

Bounty Hunting

So I was thinking about everything I've learned in life, and I think it's all moot compared to this:


Nobody has shit on you when you're holding a thermal detonator. Not Jabba the Hut, not the IAEA, not even George W. Think about that next time your negotiating your salary at work, or arguing with your spouse over what restaurant you want to eat at.

On this day in history

Welcome to a new blog segment that will hopefully gain notoriety and become a staple of your regular blog reading. Or whatever.

January 9th

1349- The Swiss, known for their peaceful neutrality in 20th century war, fine chocolate and noteworthy skiing, set a precedent for genocide on this day in history when the citizens of Basel, Switzerland gathered all the Jews in the city and incinerated them, citing them as the cause of the bubonic plague. God, angered by the whole incident, destroys the village with a massive earthquake in 1356.

1861- Soldiers from the Citadel, Charleston, SC fire on the Star of the West, a trade ship coming to resupply troops at Ft. Sumter, SC. These are generally considered to be the first shots of the American Civil War. The United States divorce shortly after, citing "irreconcilable differences".

Notable Births:

1929- Dorthea Puente- Convicted American serial killer, who married, killed and then collected the pension checks of retired men. She was shocked to later find out this profitable business was illegal.
1967- Dave Matthews- South African singer and musician; noted for skills and moaning and incoherent mumbling while playing the guitar.

Notable Deaths:

1920- Napoleon III of France- Nephew of Napoleon I, used his position as titular (stop giggling) president of France to become Emperor for the next 18 years, until he doomed France for decades by starting the Franco-Prussian war in 1870. This war gave birth to the German Empire, which, as two of you know, really didn't like France. He spent the remainder of his life in a British hotel, where he died of a bladder stone/kidney failure. He is sometimes referred to as "Napoleon the Small", in comparison to his uncle. Their respective endowments cannot be verified.

Alright!

It's amazing what a few days together with no distractions can do for your marriage. It's been 2.5 months and things are going strong. No regrets.

And man, I love snow. I want to go run around in it. Maybe I will today.

Thank you notes.

I am writing thank you notes. It is more fun than I thought.

Its something to note that they are 2 months after the wedding. I think when people recieve them, they will think:

"What? Thank you for what?"

I've gotten thank you notes before and thought that.

Awake.

I am awake and blogging again.

Today I thought a lot about Taco Cabana. I could eat there every day, and my mom says that's probably not okay. But why is TC so great? Well children, I'm glad you asked. Taco Cabana fulfills all the specifications of a fantastic taco restaurant, with its own added flair. It fulfills the laws of taco greatness.

THE LAWS OF TACO HOUSE GREATNESS

• The food shalt rock your face. This essentially means that you have a mouthgasm when you eat there. When you eat the taco, it has to taste fresh- not just the completed taco, but all ingredients in the taco. Nothing processed goes in your food. No canned meat. No canned cheese.

• The menu should give you options but not leave you feeling overwhlemed. A beginner should be able to order alongside a veteran and still have a satisfying experience. However, the restaurant should also accommodate expert taco eaters, which means:
  
  
• The staff has to have their stuff together. Service needs to be friendly and prompt, regardless of what color you are or what language you speak.
  

• It must either make its own tortillas or have them delivered fresh daily.

• It needs a strong hand of salsa- many varieties, all made fresh, from fresh ingredients. None of this Pace from a can, dumped in a bucket. That's offensive. A taco establishment really striving for greatness will have sauces and salsas designed to specifically compliment it's amazing food.

• It needs to play awesome music. Taco joints that play straight Tejano polka don't make the cut. There needs to be something you can actually dance to. At least every 5th polka, there should be a good Salsa number in there.
  

• It must serve tacos. I shouldn't even have to say that. But I do.

• It should serve beer. I really have to insist here. Taco + Cerveza = Pure Rapturous Joy.

• It should serve patrons at all hours of the day. (This is one of the things that separates a very good taco joint from a GREAT taco joint. For some reason, tacos really do taste better at three in the morning. I think there's some scientists who found that to be true.) If it can't serve patrons at all hours, it must at least accommodate the prime hours of taco eatage:

0530-1000 Before work
1100-1300 Lunch
1345-1500 Post lunch energy boost
1600-2000 Dinner
2100-2245 Taco Pre-Game
0030-0430 Taco Prime Time

• It should inspire. This is the bottom line. A good taco joint gains the loyalty of a fan base. It has devoted followers who dream about its food day and night. People that get t-shirts and tattoos bearing the logos, food, slogans and likenesses of line cooks of their preferred taco house. These fans will fight tooth and nail to defend it against all ill will. If told it is going out of business, they will eat there as much as fiscally possible to keep it open. Any rumors of food poisoning will be dismissed as "Pussies complaining because they couldn't handle the hot stuff." If the question is posed, "Where should we eat?", this taco zealot will firmly ensure his or her demands are met. A great taco stand turns casual taco eaters into believers. A great taco stand changes lives and gives new significance to life.
  

If you have anything to add, let me know. You might be right.

Words.

There are no words. There just aren't words.

It seems hypocritical to write that. I'm writing words to say that "there are no words". So apparently, there are.

The words you use to describe and indescribable situation. "There's nothing to say. There are no words."

And when you say that, people know what you're talking about. The best part is, you're not talking about anything. You're simply saying, "This thing is so complex, so beautiful, so difficult and so painful that I can't choose a word. I could sit here and try for hours to describe it to you. But laziness and brevity dictate my response. So I let you know that there are no words to describe it. I know you understand. I hope."

There are no words. That's a lie. Those four words are a euphemism for TONS of words. Words that we don't know how to say. So is that more profound than silence?

Nah. Silence is open to too much interpretation.